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When Putin Retires...


Dear Leonid Ilyich

TASS commuiqué:
...Yesterday in Moscow an attempt was made on Comrade Brezhnev's life by an unidentified assailant. The bullet penetrated the bullet-proof car window, hit Comrade Brezhnev on the forehead, ricocheted and killed the driver.                       

A fourth TV channel was launched in the USSR. A Soviet citizen turned on the first channel and saw Brezhnevs speech being broadcast. He switched to the second channel the same. The third channel Brezhnev again. When he switched to the fourth channel, he saw a KGB officer wagging his finger: Youll get in trouble with all this switching!

President Ford and Brezhnev agreed to draw caricatures of each other.
`Only, no pornography, please,' says Brezhnev.
Ford agrees.
They do their drawings. Brezhnev hands his to Ford and Ford hands his to Brezhnev.
Ford has drawn Brezhnev as a strapping peasant with two
huge breasts and a snake around his neck.
`What are those?' asks Brezhnev.
`Well the snake is Cuba and the two breasts are the two halves of the world. With one you're feeding Africa and with the other Asia.'
`And what do I feed my own people with?' Brezhnev couldn't restrain himself.
`But, Mr Brezhnev, you said no pornography!'

Brezhnev goes to a farmer's market and sees a Georgian selling a watermelon. "Choose!" the Georgian suggests to Brezhnev.
"How can I choose, when you have only one watermelon?" Brezhnev asks dumbfounded.
"There is only one of you and we choose you," the Georgian answered.
(In the Brezhnev era there was only one candidate on the ballot).

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