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Dear Leonid Ilyich

 
 
The Kremlin organized a race between Brezhev and Nixon. Nixon was first to the finishing line, and Brezhnev second.
Next morning the Tass communiqué read: "Yesterday a race took place in the Kremlin. Comrade Brezhnev gained second place, and Nixon came second last."
 

 
During a break in a summit meeting in Helsinki, President Carter asked Brezhnev whether he collected stories against himself.
`I certainly do,' replied Brezhnev. `Do you have many?' asked Carter. `Two camps full,' said Brezhnev.
 

 
An American and a Russian were arguing about which had the more perfect democracy.
`We have absolute democracy,' says the American. `If I want to, I can go to the White House and shout "Remove Nixon!"'
`Ha!' replies the Russian. `What's so special about that. If I want to, I too can go to the Kremlin and shout "Remove Nixon!"'
 

 
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