Brezhnev sees off an important delegation from a Western country in
an airport. The plane took off, everyone left, but Brezhnev is still
standing there contemplating the skyline for an hour, one more hour,
and more.. Finally one of his assistance loses his patience and
- Leonid Ilyich, it's time for us to go..
Brezhnev answers with the same serenity in his eyes,
- His country stinks, the working class suffers and lives in
poverty, their foreign policy is so bad that no disapproval is big
enough.. but blimey, he's one hell of a kisser!
Leonid Brezhnev pays a state visit to France and he's given a VIP
guided tour of Paris. He's conducted round the splendours of the
Élysée Palace, but remains as stony-faced as ever. He's shown the
masterpieces of the Louvre, but the curators fail to get any
reaction out of him. He's taken to the Arc de Triomphe, but displays
not the slightest interest. Eventually, the official motorcade
drives him to the foot of the Eiffel Tower, where Brezhnev finally
stares up in amazement and astonishment. He turns to his French
hosts and asks in bewilderment: "But, Paris is a city of 9 million
people... surely you need more than one watchtower?"
Brezhnev holds a speech in front of a crowd of workers, and says:
'Soon we will live even better!'
A voice from the crowd asks: 'And what about us??'
Brezhnev drives through the streets of Moscow and suddenly sees a
monument. He asks, who deserved the monument.
- It's Chekhov.
- Oh, good, I've read his book 'Mumu'.
- But 'Mumu' was written by Turgenev, dear comrade Brezhnev?
- Oh really? Then it's really stupid. 'Mumu' was written by
Turgenev, but it's Chekhov who got the monument!
President Nixon was visiting the USSR, Brezhnev showed him a new
telephone which could be used to talk to hell. Amazed by the
concept, Nixon decided to try it, so he dialled the number and was
put through. The call to hell cost just 27 kopecks.
he got back to the USA, Nixon excitedly told friends about this
mysterious Soviet wonder. But he was surprised to learn that the
same phone had already been invented by the Americans. So Nixon
decided to call hell again. He was disappointed though, as this time
it cost $US 12,000.
come it was so expensive?” he asked. ”In the USSR it was 27
”Well,” came the response, “that’s because there it’s only a local
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