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When Putin Retires...


Dear Leonid Ilyich


Brezhnev sees off an important delegation from a Western country in an airport. The plane took off, everyone left, but Brezhnev is still standing there contemplating the skyline for an hour, one more hour, and more.. Finally one of his assistance loses his patience and says,
- Leonid Ilyich, it's time for us to go..
Brezhnev answers with the same serenity in his eyes,
- His country stinks, the working class suffers and lives in poverty, their foreign policy is so bad that no disapproval is big enough.. but blimey, he's one hell of a kisser!

Leonid Brezhnev pays a state visit to France and he's given a VIP guided tour of Paris. He's conducted round the splendours of the Élysée Palace, but remains as stony-faced as ever. He's shown the masterpieces of the Louvre, but the curators fail to get any reaction out of him. He's taken to the Arc de Triomphe, but displays not the slightest interest. Eventually, the official motorcade drives him to the foot of the Eiffel Tower, where Brezhnev finally stares up in amazement and astonishment. He turns to his French hosts and asks in bewilderment: "But, Paris is a city of 9 million people... surely you need more than one watchtower?"

Brezhnev holds a speech in front of a crowd of workers, and says: 'Soon we will live even better!'
A voice from the crowd asks: 'And what about us??'

Brezhnev drives through the streets of Moscow and suddenly sees a monument. He asks, who deserved the monument.
- It's Chekhov.
- Oh, good, I've read his book 'Mumu'.
- But 'Mumu' was written by Turgenev, dear comrade Brezhnev?
- Oh really? Then it's really stupid. 'Mumu' was written by Turgenev, but it's Chekhov who got the monument!

When President Nixon was visiting the USSR, Brezhnev showed him a new telephone which could be used to talk to hell. Amazed by the concept, Nixon decided to try it, so he dialled the number and was put through. The call to hell cost just 27 kopecks.

When he got back to the USA, Nixon excitedly told friends about this mysterious Soviet wonder. But he was surprised to learn that the same phone had already been invented by the Americans. So Nixon decided to call hell again. He was disappointed though, as this time it cost $US 12,000.

How come it was so expensive? he asked. In the USSR it was 27 kopecks!
Well, came the response, thats because there its only a local call.

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