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"Comrades, we have run out of track!"


Mikhail Gorbachev was having lunch at Windsor Castle during his visit to Britain. As the guests were working their way through the hors-doeuvres he was horrified to see one of his apparatchiks sliding one of HMs gold spoons into his sleeve.

At first, Gorbachev was outraged. But then, struck with a bright idea, he started to work his own spoon towards his pocket. Unfortunately it struck his glass and as the tinkle resounded everyone around the table assumed he was going to make a speech.

Scrambling to his feet, clutching his spoon, and thinking quickly, he announced: I will now perform a magic trick. Holding up the spoon, he said, See this gold spoon? I will put it in my breast pocket, like this, and Eduard Amrosyevich down there will produce it from his sleeve!

During the heydays of his leadership, Gorbachev is running late going to the Kremlin. While he is shaving, he calls in his driver, asks him to bring the car to the front of the apartment building, sit in the back and leave the engine running; he would drive himself. The driver says: "But Comrade Secretary General, I AM your driver!". Gorbachev is getting angry and shouts at the driver: "Just do as you are told." Finishing up in the bathroom, Gorbachev grabs his briefcase, runs down the stairs, jumps into the driver's seat of the car, throws the briefcase in the back to the driver and drives off like a maniac through downtown Moscow.
He passes two cops on motorcycles, who are monitoring traffic from a side-street. One cop says to the other: "Look at that idiot! I am going to catch him!", so he turns on the lights and siren and goes after the speeding car.
Ten minutes later, he comes back, stops his motorcycle next to his partner, shuts down the engine and sits quietly, looking visibly shaken. His partner wants to know: "Did you catch him?" The cop nods. "Did you give him a ticket?" The cop shakes his head. Now his partner gets angry: "Come on, talk, who was that???" The cop looks wide-eyed and says: "I have no idea who that was, but Gorbachev WAS HIS DRIVER !!!!!!"

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