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"It's clearly an arse"

Nehru arrived in Moscow on an official visit. It was seven a. m. He went out on to the balcony of his official residence. In the street below he could see trams and trolley-buses jammed full of people.
"Who are they all?" asked Nehru.
"Russia's masters," replied Krushchev.
Eleven a.m. Nehru went out on to the balcony again. He saw a number of black limousines driving by.
"Who are they?" asked Nehru.
"That's us!" announced Krushchev proudly. "The servants of the people."

A man ran through the streets of Moscow shouting: "Krushchev is a swine!"
He was seized and given twenty-one years: one year for defamation, and twenty years for leaking state secrets.

Nixon arrived in Moscow. He was met by Kushchev who showed him over the capital, particularly the new construction areas.
"What are those things sticking out over there?" asked Nixon, pointing at the roof tops.
"What do you mean, what are they?" Krushchev is astounded. "They're television aerials."
"That's great!" says Nixon. "You haven't only caught up with us, there are some areas in which you have outstripped us!"
"What areas?" asks Krushchev overjoyed.
"Well, we've never ever thought of installing television sets in pigsties."
(For the first time since the NEP of the 1920s, Krushchev pursued policies designed to appeal to Soviet consumers. The rapid construction of prefabricated buildings enabled millions of Soviet families to move from hostels and communal flats into tiny but separate apartments.)

Krushchev arrived in Paris. He went into a brothel and asked the madam:
"How much for a room?"
"Depends on the room," she replied. "There are 500 franc rooms, 100 franc rooms, 50 franc rooms and 1 franc rooms."
"Give me a 1 franc room," said Krushchev.
He was shown to a room. He sat there for ten minutes, but nobody came. For twenty ... still nobody. For thirty ... still nothing happened.
Nikita Sergeevich was outraged and rang for the madam. The madam appeared.
"This is an outrage!" shouted Krushchev. "I've been waiting here for half an hour and no one has shown up!"
"I beg your pardon, monsieur," replied the madam, "but this room is self-service ..."

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