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"It's clearly an arse"

 
 
A man turned up in Moscow who, even blind-fold, could tell from a skull who it had belonged to.
The authorities got interested. They decided to test him out.
They blindfolded him and brought in the skull of Karl Marx. The man felt the skull carefully all over. "A theoretician," he pronounced. "A thinker."
Next they brought in Lenin's skull.
The man turned it this way and that. "A pragmatist with a theoretical streak," he asserted.
The authorities were astounded. They led in Krushchev.
The man fingered Krushchev's bald head for several minutes. "It's clearly an arse," he said, "but I can't for the life of me find the hole!"
 

 
 What would happen if Stalin rose from the dead?
 Krushchev would outstrip America.
 
("We'll catch up with and outstrip America," was one of Krushchev's most frequent exhortations.)
 

 
At the 20th Party Congress as Krushchev recounted the evils perpetrated by Stalin, a voice came from the hall: "And where were you then?"
"Would the man who asked that question stand up," said Krushchev.
The questioner took fright and did not stand.
"That's where we were, too!" replied Krushchev.
 

 
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