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When Putin Retires...

 

"It's clearly an arse"

 
 
Stalin is on his deathbed, dying, and summons Khrushchev. "I know you will beat out the competition and succeed me," Stalin said, "so, for your guidance, I have prepared two letters. Open the first one when you are in trouble with the Party the first time. Open the second one when you are in danger of being deposed."
 
Khrushchev obeys Stalin and takes the two letters. In 1956, he faces problems with the Party over Hungary and Suez. He opens the first one and reads "Blame everything on me!" So, Khrushchev gives the secret speech condemning Stalin to the Party Congress, causing the tumult to die down.
 
In 1964, Khrushchev is about to be deposed by Brezhnev and Kosygin. He opens up the second letter. It said:
"Prepare two letters."
 

A group of scientists begs Khrushchev to head a cancer clinic. He says, 'But I have no clue about cancer treatment!' And they answer, 'But you headed the agriculture and the results were impressive - crops vanished!'

- Why did they double the number of guards at Lenins mausoleum after Stalins body was taken away?
- Theyve spotted Khrushchev hanging around with a bedroll in hands.

 
During the Cold War, an American and a citizen of the USSR were bragging about how wonderful their respective countries are.
"We have free speech!" the American said.
"We have free speech too!" the Soviet said.
"Not like we do," the American said. "See, I can stand on Pennsylvania Avenue right in front of the White House and say, 'President Kennedy is an idiot!' and nothing bad will happen to me!"
"So what?" the Soviet replied. "I can stand in Red Square right in front of the Kremlin and say, 'President Kennedy is an idiot!' and nothing bad will happen to me either!"
 

 
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