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Political Jokes

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When Putin Retires...

 

"Like Putin!"

 

 
A major advises his soldiers at the ballot box, "If you are for Putin, put a check next to his name on the ballot. If you are against him, place an "x" in that spot."
 

 
A crow is sitting on a tree branch with a piece of cheese in his mouth. Then a fox walks past:
"Crow, Crow, are you politically sophisticated?"
The crow remains silent.
"Crow, Crow, are you going to vote in the presidential elections?"
The crow again remains silent.
"Crow, Crow, will you vote for Putin?"
The crow could not restrain himself, opened his mouth, and cried, "Yeess!" The cheese fell out of his mouth, the fox grabbed the cheese, and ran away satisfied. The crow sat on the branch and thought, "If I had said 'no,' what would it have changed?!"
 

 
The first Russian election was held when God put Eve in front of Adam and said, "Go ahead, choose your wife."
 

 
"President Vladimir Putin has released a new program for reform. Its first goal: 'To make people rich and happy. (List of people attached.)'"
 

 
"Putin calls in the finance minister and says: 'Listen, what's going on with the economy?'
"'Er, Vladimir Vladimirovich, I can explain. ...'
"'No, no, you don't need to explain. I can do that myself. Just tell me, what's going on?'"
 

 
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