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When Putin Retires...


"Like Putin!"


Many of the jokes play on claims by Putin's critics that the president has a strong autocratic streak, akin to that of Soviet-era leaders.
"Stalin appears to Putin in a dream, and asks: 'Can I do anything to help you?' Putin says: 'Why is everything here so bad - the economy is falling to pieces, and so on. What am I to do?'
Stalin, without pausing for thought, answers: 'Execute the entire government, and paint the walls of the Kremlin blue.'
"'Why blue?' Putin asks.
"Stalin replies: 'I had a feeling that you would only want to discuss the second part.'"

On the sinking of the Kursk nuclear submarine:
A navy officer: 'Mr. President, I have good news and bad news.'
Putin: 'What's the good news?'
'Those Granit anti-submarine missiles we have really work.'"

Putin gets up in the middle of the night and goes to the refrigerator. When he opens the door, a dish of jellied meat begins to tremble.
"Don't worry, I've only come for a beer."

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